Funny German Words

What the?

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What da frick! I was with this Aussie dood who was looking through the photos with me in my laptop while we were chilling at the hostel, and he had this pretty American chick clinging on to him (lucky bastard, she was hot). Anyway, when we came upon the photo above, both he and I were laughing our heads off, while the docile American and her friends did not. Australian term I suppose. Frick, bah ha ha.

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The Americans also didn’t find this one funny. “Die Kunst” literaly means “the art” (yes, I know some German you assholes) but if you pronounce it phonetically, we get “DIE KUNTS“! BA HA HA HA HA HA. Yes, my sense of humour sux, and I am bored, it’s funny on only one level – stupid.

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this one is a bit harder to get … but I get it …. fahrk me! Gah ha ha!

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In Germany they have their own starbucks, BALZAC!!! Yes, yes, it’s a French writer – but still … BALZAC! As in, you know, like a testicle!!! Testicle Coffee, bah ha ha – I am so funny.

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This was a jewellery store, and not as crass as the others, simply a reminder of a crappy movies from the nineties.

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All throughout Germany, Switzerland and Austria – I kept falling over, cracking myself because of these signs everywhere. It literally means, “flower” – but again it would be only funny to Australians. Bloomin, is the euphemism for “bloody” which is an offensive term in both the UK & Oz, so to replace it we say “bloomin hell” instead of the intensely rude “bloody hell” – oh hilarity!

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The word for exit in German is “Ausgang” - but when we were driving past this sign, I was fucking laughing so loud (obviously the germans with me did not really understand what is funny). Ausfart (other than referring to the gas Australians/Austrians produce) means “exit” for cars.

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I was with an 10yr old Aryan Austrian, and he really couldn’t understand why I found this absolutely hilarious (in German it’s pronounced completely differently from cock, as in a penis). I refused point blank to explain why I was laughing to the poor kid.

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But a stampeding herd of cocks!!! Come on! That’s funny (it’s something to do with kitchens or something). Poor kid, he still didn’t find it funny when the Aussie chick next to me explained to him what “cock” means in English. Though he did find “fart” funny. He he he, fahrt!

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82 Responses to “Funny German Words”

  1. Kathryn The German Says:

    I didn’t find that funny at all. I’m half German and I was very offended, and this was very insulting.

    How would you like it if I posted pictures of Americans doing stupid things?? I don’t think you would like it, now would you.

    • We really wouldnt care, so stop bitchin

      • american get insulted easy as… look up hey hey its saturday on you tube and look at the bitching yanks talking about racism..

        go germans..

    • seriously.. he’s exhibiting his first amendment right.. if you don’t like it, go back to the land of “Balzac Coffee” lol LITERALLY. leave if you don’t like the country

    • Anonymous Says:

      Im part german and part american and i didnt finda nything offensive or funny, and i dont think amercians would care if you posted us doing funny things.

    • wow youre an idiot! im part german to and i found this very funny! suck it easy!

    • How did you find that insulting? Seriously, its not like he was racist to germans or something.

    • u probabaly have alot of friends

    • Darryce Says:

      I got a gooder it made me laugh hard core… what is the German definition of constipation?? farfrompoopen

    • late yes but my take.

      My Family is german, and I live in America. I experience German phrases and culture in every day of my life, and tbh I find it completely hilarious. I also find many english words hilarious too.

      Doesnt mean I’m making fun of the language, I’m just thinking “Who came up with that?”

      Relax, laugh at yourself a little, and throw a harmless joke back at america.

    • The half German in you obviously has no sense of humour,

  2. That would be very funny if you did post things about Americans doing stupid things.

    I haven’t posted any pictures of germans doing stupid things, I posted pictures of german words that when pronounced phonetically in english, sound like englsh swear words.

    I seriously don’t get why half of you is offended.

  3. disgruntled reader Says:

    I understand what you were trying to acomplish, but you failed…..horribly. Die Kunst pronounced phonetically is die kunst, not kunts. Also, fahrkarten is pronounced fahr-karten, not fahrk-arten. “Frick”, while slightly amusing, is not even close to a swear or foul word. I’m not offended as a German, I’m offended as a person that values good humor.

  4. You’re obviously an idiot, there are far more important things to complain about in this site than merely immature humour.

    “I’m offended as a person that values good humour” – who the fuck even says that? Bloody tool.

  5. What kind of spineless red-fatheaded Bimbo are ya?
    I accidentially entered this site and was heavily wondering how dumb human garbage can be .
    Fahrkarten, Die Kunst, Frick, yeahh very funny for lowlifes like you.
    Theres obviously english blood in you cause only those inbreedingisolatedislandcowfucking aliens are able so be this dumbasses.
    Why cant you just all commit suicide and leave germans and german americans alone i really think english and aussie trash should be wiped off this planet.
    But first tell me where your stupid humor comes from? Hatred or as already said inbreeding? Well the second one would explain why english women are the ugliest on the world they somehow all remind me of spotty pitbulls

  6. You don’t just “accidentally” come onto this site, I can see what you searched to get in here you bloody r-tard.

    You’re not a German – you’re an American – enough said … even if you can somehow say that your ethnicity is German, you’re still an American and you’re making an issue of something so trivial, when there are other things on this site far more offensive than my take on the word “frick”.

    God this post has attracted the largest amount of idiots, you can tell me to get a life, but I am not stupid enough, or bored enough, to search “funny german words” and then you get annoyed landing on a post that shows an obvious half-assed attempt to use German.

    Bloody idiot.

  7. I wouldn’t normally comment on something online like this but these comments trashing the poster are laughable, misguided and unfortunate.

    It’s unfortunate because a light-hearted, playful attempt at poking some silly fun at perhaps one of the simpler joys in life, just how some things in one language sound funny in another, resulted in some angry and unjustified comments.

    I happened upon this page searching specifically for funny german words, just to give myself a laugh, and this page made me laugh out loud. I even passed the link to a friend who I thought would also have a laugh.

    Being half french-canadian, I’ve heard (and made) many jokes about two words in french that have funny meanings in english, notably un coq (rooster) and une phoque (baby seal)

    Bottom line is these are just some funny coincidences, and by no means attacking or belittling another language or culture. I’m sure there are things in english that sound funny in german as well.

    So let’s all lighten up a little and not be so damn sensitive. If you need me I’ll be out trying to get a girl to seal my rooster

    Matt/25/m/toronto

  8. Dude, when I saw another god damn comment in this post, I was prepared to snap if it was another complaint. Seriously, I say so much worse in the other parts of this site, and the humour here is just so stupid and simple – how is it worth acting like you’ve got sand in your vagina?

    I saw “un coq” when I was in Orleans en France, fukn funny shiit!

  9. this was dumb only because you were totally wrong about the pronunciations of those words.. -.-

  10. No fucking duh!

    Fer fucks sake.

  11. ‘Why cant you just all commit suicide and leave germans and german americans alone i really think english and aussie trash should be wiped off this planet.’

    Wow, that’s so typical of a German – American! Wanting to wipe people out? Really I though that you’d given this kind of thing up…oh saying that there’s still native Americans arround…you may want to finish off your genocide there first you fucking racist genocide promoting idiot!

  12. Oh my god, I can’t believe how much I am laughing at this right now – this is the shittiest entry EVER!

    FRICK!!!

    Seriously, for the idiots who are offended by this entry, DIE KUNST!

    Farkh-kopf

  13. harlekkin Says:

    Hmmmm…

    Having lived in Australia for 6 years now I can clearly see where you were going with this.
    As you´re no German I can also see why your first impression would have caused laughter.

    Too bad it´s way too Ocker.

  14. Oh NO you DIDn’t!

    I know you just did not call me bogan!

    Ah ha ha, that is probably the most offensive thing anyone has said to me on this particular post.

  15. All I hear is a bunch of annoyed Germans too proud of their country to admit that the words might be funny to a person from another country.

    WAH WAH WAH. I wouldn’t find myself offended over somebody from say, Israel coming into my country and finding that a cafe may have a name which is humourous in their language.

    Stop being so overly PC and stop being so easily offended.

  16. You’re from Riverstone?

    Why did you say Israel? You trying to piss the German’s off even more!

  17. This is fuuny, i dont why others are offended, if the english took the mic out of american words, they would just find it funny, so lighten up guys.
    Your right the words do sound like some inapropriate things. who doesnt think that some words are funny?
    keep up with the funny posts mate. Ignore the others. :D

  18. Catherine Says:

    and you wonder why there’s the stereotype of germans who don’t have a sense of humour…

  19. well i thought this was quite a laugh actually hahaha,

  20. In all honesty, the comments are far more amusing than the post – and it seems that Americans visit this post more than Germans, cos in all honesty real Germans wouldn’t give a shit – and would definitely not type in “funny german words” into a google search engine.

  21. FCStPauli Says:

    Funny an American slagging off the English. Get with it dude. The English are the only friends that your dumb-ass country has on the whole planet.
    Now go and eat a big mac for breakfast and invade a country – after all that is what you Americans do so well.

  22. Holy Shit – Ah ha haha ha ha – “breathe” ah ha ha ha.

  23. IT IS FUNNY!!!! funny as hell – now if you dont like us “AMERICANS” so much and “OUR” jokes… WHY THE HELL DID YOU COME HERE FOR???? STAY IN YOUR BOREDOM LAND FULL OF NAZIs, yes you heard me FULL OF NAZIs or you actually think we FORGOT all the bullshit we pulled you from – if it wasnt for us Hitler would be still at it, so please lets keep it at a funny level and STOP that “YOU AMERICANS bullshit” – because I know they might delete this comment well I dont care!!! but this is America!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE FREE to say whatever we want and when you dont like it thats your business…. damn….!

  24. AUSFARHT – EXIT on the highways… who says thats not some funny thing to see on EVERY exit when you drive on a major road…. lololol.-…..

  25. I don’t really have a problem with what you’re saying, except that you’re implying that my website is part of America. I am most definitely not American, and this website is not specific to any location – since it’s the internet, so no this is not America.

    This website is more likely to be part of the aljazeera network than fuckn CNN.

    You’re free to say what you want. But as I said, Germans won’t really visit this page, because I have met enough to know that this bull-shit is beneath them. So who’re you angry at? (God damn there’s fukn nut cases that visit this).

  26. TeamFuzzock Says:

    The posts were not funny I am afraid (Just not funny, not for any other reason) the posts from both sides are very funny.

    God I love the idiots on the internet sometimes…

    Ian…

  27. THE DUCK Says:

    KHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  28. Huh? My god, do I have to say again, idiots!!!

    I hate ya’s I tells ya, HATE!

  29. FCStPauli Says:

    Typical American taking the credit for WW11….The Yanks were quite happy for Hitler to do his best until 1941……and of course all the Nazis were bad…except the thousands that the US decided to employ and give citizenship to – whilst conveniently forgetting their crimes – to help with the American rocket and nuclear programmes.

  30. Dude, piss funny.. Love it. Keep up the good work ;)

  31. got here by searching google for “why germans are not funny”.

    i am german and i’m not offended at all. of course you made a mistake with “kunst” (allthough it would be great if it was spelled “kunts”, but perhaps you would like our street magazine from hamburg, “hinz & kunz” (hints & cunts)) as pointed out before, but reading “fahrk arten” with your eyes made me chuckle :)

    there is more stuff, i’m sure. occasionally i spot stuff like this in my city. :)

  32. Oh my god, a German!!! Wilkommen!!! I don’t know why germans aren’t funny though, I never thought about that to be honest – I don’t think they’re not though.

    But you’re a real german! Not some bastardised american one attempting to confirm a concrete identity!

  33. Great post! Very funny! Keep the posts coming. Nothing like a bit of international word banter.

    Anyone who is even slightly offended by the unausralian’s post needs to book themselves in to their nearest hospital in for an optrectomy operation.

    This is a very delicate operation that severs the small nerves connecting the optical nerve to the rectum. This will help you get rid of your shitty outlook on life!

    Tony in Spain.

    Donaudampfschiffahrtselektrizitätenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft

  34. I don’t think this is offensive, but I also don’t think it is particularly funny.

    For what it’s worth, I found it through a Google search for “funny German words”. I was looking for whimsical sounding words, like “glockenspeil”.

  35. lol fur fuck sakes Says:

    Ha lol excellent its good to know epople like this still exist ,anonymous fools got nothin. it is funny, god lol people need to take things less seriously if you don’t like it gtfo the internet. i really dont see how this could be consider offensive and why should you care if you don’t find it funny? like your sittin there ” HEY ! i dont find that picture Funny?! THen what the fuck is it on this site for?? like you were so goddamn worried about it and fucking concerned that you felt you had to complain about some meaningless piss. What are you going to tell the guy what sense of humor he should have? (farken kuhnts) =D

  36. Bah ha ha ha ha – people like you give me faith in humanity, let’s stop idiots from breeding.

  37. I ROFL-d at all this, extremely funny indeed.
    I’d also laugh to death if I see some, poor German people will wonder what’s wrong with me.. :D

  38. Du bist echt dumm…

  39. I would just like to say something to alice, I think its really uncalled for to start talking about nazis, its not like they’re proud of that brief of their history, I’m american too but get off you’re damn high horse. Fcstpaulie I don’t believe world war eleven has taken place just yet

  40. Dude – there are wierdos that visit this site, and I have a feeling people visit it just to see Alice’s stupid response. I have just re-read it and realised that chick must have been high or something.

  41. Chewieporridge Says:

    I am British
    following Yello’s comment “Theres obviously english blood in you cause only those inbreedingisolatedislandcowfucking aliens are able so be this dumbasses. Why cant you just all commit suicide and leave germans and german americans alone i really think english and aussie trash should be wiped off this planet.” i have nothing against germans but yello u misguided ignorant fuck-wit ure lucky we didnt just give germany to the soviets to shit on it after ww2 but no the allies decided to be fair so fuck off cause us “inbreedingisolatedislandcowfucking aliens” showed kindness to your country even when they screwed us over after we showed them mercy after the 1st world war so nice 1 dip shit

  42. shiieettt.
    i for one thought this was hilarious hahahaha
    i probably would’ve done the same thing xD
    nice job.

  43. Rzimmermann Says:

    OK, as someone who speaks German and English I honestly thought this was funny. There’s no point in being a snotty hothead and point out to the author that he’s pronouncing the words wrong to think it’s funny. I think he realizes that. You people must be retarded to not understand why some of this is funny. He’s pointing out that it is amusing from an English-speaker’s perspective, geez.

  44. I studied German for five years but have forgotten a lot due to lack of application…I was actually more interested in funny German words such as “flamenwerfer” (flamethrower) and “fingernagel” (fingernail, pronounced ‘fingernoggle’) and stuff like that. There were others but I can’t remember.

  45. Imajellydonut Says:

    I am 64.79% German and therefore better than any of you halves on here. Yea. Whut now bitches? I have been trying to get my German father to laugh since 1971. Not only does he not have a sense of humor, he is offended by most of what we (his children) find funny. We, of course, find this hiiiiiilarious, yet also quite sad when you think about it. On a lighter note, I highly recommend a trip to Assmannshausen just to say you’ve been. Not only do I love this post, I call for an encore!!

    • You’ve cracked me up so bad, it’s not funny. Everything from your commentary about your father, to the 64.79% estimation of your race. You’re a bloody god amongst mere insects I tell you!

  46. OH MY GOD!!! Assmannshausen EXISTS!!! Oh HELL yeah – I’m there!!!

  47. Why do people always have to turn something of reflection such as funny pronounciations into a harsh offensive nationalistic debate of history, whoever brought up Nazism should be ashamed, the germans suffered as badly as everyone else, whoever decided that any one group of people are ugly or have no sense of humor are just close minded idiots.
    We are ultimatly all of the same genetic stock so no one group of people are predisposed to be worse at any one thing or in someway inferior. The British held on during the war against the most powerful effective fighthing force in centuries controlling the resorces of a whole continent, and gave its wealth and empire up in the war against the global scourge of fascism. Man there are alot of hate sprawling uninformed fools on the internet and for some reason they see something conpletely harmless and they have to bring the tone down to war/genetice/culture/history.
    Were all people, get over the differences and find funny things funny or you will be dead before you know it and you wouldnt have laughed at all.
    Life is to short to hate.
    Die Kunst – maybe pronounced differently to a German but to me its funny, no harm done!
    Hahahahaha – Kunst.

    • Well, I have German friends who think this is harmless (albeit stupid humour) – and there are English words that are funny to them as well. I just think some people maybe need to calm down is all.

  48. citrobella Says:

    I’m German and I laughed so hard I almost had to ausfahrt. OMG…all you lamers crack me up. This is the funniest shit I’ve seen in a long time. Ya’ll need to get over yourselves…yeah, YOU…the one who said his sense of humor is offended. And what sense of humor would that be? For all you other Krauts (or Half-Krauts as it may be…and I’m allowed to call you that because I’ve only been in the US for 16 years and my entire family still lives in Krautland): get over yourselves. You wanna see Americans acting stupid for everyone to see? Get on youtube or watch “Jackass” you silly Kunsts. :-)

  49. AUCHTUNG !!!!!!!!! Says:

    Die unger schiltz!!

  50. Wow, I’ve never seen so much debate over over a funny posting of German words.
    The thing I found the most hilarious in the comments was:
    “How would you like it if I posted pictures of Americans doing stupid things??”
    haha When you’re clearly Australian, so it’s like ‘okay, sure, who gives a fuck?’ It’s just funny to me that no matter what your nationality is, if you poke fun at any other culture, you’re somehow American.
    Sincerely,
    Half German, Half Human,
    -Hanzitzpööpin

  51. Anonymous Says:

    wow, australian man. you have a lot of haters

  52. Anonymous Says:

    dear every hater on this site, you are nazis. balzak lovin nazis.

  53. hahaha love it “ausfahrt” lololol made me laugh so much,
    people are dumb, i didn’t find you being rude to germans at all but whatevs

  54. Man, this is some funny shit! On both accounts: The words are truly hilarious and the entire debate above had me in stitches too. And by the way: I am german. I don’t get why some of my countrymen/women get so aggitated about these things… keep it up.

  55. Cockmunch for breakfast Says:

    Just a little reminder for those non-German speaking people out there, Kock is not pronounced ‘cock’. Please note the umlaut, hence it is pronounced ‘koeck’
    many thanks

  56. Cockmunch for breakfast Says:

    and by the way, steve, i reckon you have a brain the size of your cock. learn how to spell mate.
    cheers

  57. Anonymous Says:

    Just came across your page here… hilarious! I’m a dual citizen of Austria (other half American). It never occurred to me that some of these words would sound or look funny in English. But now that I look at it from my American perspective, I will laugh a lot more next time I’m in Austria!

  58. HerrÖsterreicher Says:

    I am Austrian and I don’t understand why some people here take this so damn serious! Ok I didn’t laugh too, but it’s just because I see these pictures with “austrian eyes”, but though it’s a funny idea and there is nothing to be upset about, so shut the f*ck up you trolls out there!

    Btw, I lol-d when when we learned the word “MIST” in english-class, because in german the word means “manure” :-D

    Greetings from Vienna

  59. wtf is wrong with you ppl,just cuz some1 was bored and posted somthing that they thought was funnny doesnt make them a racist or hater,to be honast you people making these comments saying hes a racist and stuff makes you self look bad cuz it seem like where ever you live you guys cant take a joke and critisize people with every word they say…lighten up..i mean rlly-.-

    anyways some of these i found hilarious XD

  60. OK, i’m german and i’m not offended or insulted at all. there was this dude walking across germany und spotting signs he thinks were funny. so what? me as a german didnt find it that funny in a humerous sense, but i wasnt offended. so calm down people!

  61. Laughing too hard Says:

    Too funny, if you don’t see the funny side or find it offensive, grow a brain you clowns!

  62. October 27, 2007 was the first response and we are still responding, HA! I live in America, I am part German, Irish, French, and everything else in between. I never fucked a cow but checked out a cats ass as a kid (that’s not gay is it?). I find this hilarious and hardly offenseful. American’s are the fattest people on the planet and asians are the shortest. Blacks have the biggest dicks and germans all take it in the butt. I learned it all on the internets…In the meantime I am going to scour the internet for more funny German words.

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