Cairns

Beautifully Warm Night

So I arrived in Cairns, roughly around 10pm. The Hostel arranged for me to be picked up, and instead I get some bogan white dood pick me up in this huge van. He spent the duration of the 10min drive bitching about the hostel I was staying at. He had an accent that I thought was Irish, and he was visibly offended. I then realised, he had a northern accent (people who don’t live in England won’t get how picky they are about the southern/northern accent). I should have been able to pick it up considering that I have been listening to fukn bogan Australian the whole time.

My Hostel was well placed, right in front of the esplanade of Cairns. I basically just ate, smoked and drank there, cos it was right here. In my room were three other people, an old pommy chick, a hot canadian and an asshole german. It was stinking hot in the room, and I put money in (how stupid) into the machine to keep the air conditioner on. I wake up in the middle of the night, cos asshole german turns it off. The mother fucking cock sucker. I also didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, but he kept leaving his passports and money out on his bed, what the hell was this cunt on?

Anyway, I could tell that Cairns would have been covered in Mangroves. The city has no beach itself, and you would be stupid to try to swim there, because it is basically mud. And there are all these signs warning you about crocodiles. Aussies here in Cairns hate Germans btw, they cause the most issues with crocodiles. They’re the ones who seem to mainly get mauled by them. I have always had respect for germans as intelligent people, but my trip up to Cairns showed me that there are dumb fucks in every white herd.