Sydney Wildlife World

Better than Featherdale

I don’t know if you guys know this, but right next to Sydney Aquarium, there is Sydney Wildlife World. They’ve managed to build this giant complex that houses basically ever single Australian animals (plus the stupid butterfly sanctuary, what the hell is with that. I felt like taking my deoderant out and spraying them, they were so fucking annoying). Our plan was actually to go to Featherdale Wildlife Park, cos you get to touch and play with the animals. But the woman at the counter said that they had more different types of animals than Featherdale. Featherdale is also in Doonside (housing commission ghetto) – so it was heaps better to just walk 3 metres away from the Aquarium instead of dodging spears and beer bottles in Western Sydney.

Anywho – I needed a recharge from all that god damn walking. Ma biche had another salad, so it wasn’t really worth taking a photo of. BUT this is the food I miss when I am overseas, combination wonton noodle soup with roast duck. My GOD it’s the best. When you’re not really hungry, and still want a dose of MSG, this is the SHIT. I didn’t even see the point of buying that Coke zero, I pretty much drank all the soup anyway. Muslims before though, they use the same carving knife they use with the pork cutlets (I have always found this funny for some reason).

Anywho – we enter the wildlife park to be greeted by a young biologist, who looked like she had just left High School. She let me hold a giant stick insect, and I was threatening to throw it at Marine. Bah ha ha. I would have done it too, but pissing off two angry women isn’t something I wanted to do, especially when one of them is French as the French have a tendency to kick a lot. The biologist, I would have just stepped on the insect to watch her cry. But check out the size of that moth! It only lives for 14 days the poor bugger, it only has that much time to find a mate to bare children. It’s like the mentality of most of the girls in Western Sydney. ZING!

This was very geeky for the both of us, but we loved this man-made ant’s nest. I swear to god we spent a good 15minutes trying to find the Queen ant. We saw all the maggot like larvae, and all the meat ants moving around and stuff – but the Queen would have been massive. This place brought the geek out in me.

Ha ha ha – the Spider I made Marine hold. She still has no idea. The Redback Spider just looks like a black widow, but I can spot its nest from ages away. It’s webbing is incredibly tough, and it has those white balls everywhere. I know because I used to hunt them, and pit them against wolf spiders. Wolf spiders will always win, they end up ripping its legs off.

I don’t know if you can see it, but it takes about 1/4 of the photo. But that’s apparently the most dangerous spider in the world. The Sydney Funnel webs. When I was talking to the biologist, I was apparently lucky when I was playing with the wolf spiders, cos they look like funnel webs. I used to hold them. Also, the wolf spiders carry the necrotic bacteria, 50% chance of being bitten by one with it. They should tell kids this when they’re young, not when they’re bloody my age! But scary looking thing it is.

The Australian Cockroach, it looks like a close-up – but these critters are massive. They can take up a huge portion of your hand, but they’re vegetarian. They only eat gum leaves. Squashing them is hard too, they have thick shells.

Locusts have always made me uncomfortable, I don’t really know why. If it was one of the plagues, or whatever – but I know African bush people eat them. They are full of protein or whatever.

Creepy mother fuckers. It’s also the idea that they mate, they look alien, you can sort of see those two mating. It’s really unnerving.

So is the viper, or death adder, or whatever the fuck this was. Just don’t step on it.

THIS is the most dangerous animal in Australia. Crocodiles you can steer clear of, cos if you’re fucking stupid enough to go swimming in a billabong a night, than you improve the gene pool. Sharks attacks are so rare, and you’re taking other risks surfing anyway (current, rocks, aids) but a Goanna will fucking chase you if it sees you. And if it bites you, its mouth is full of bacteria that kills you in two days. It’s how it kills its prey, it bites it, and then finds the dead carcass. I am more afraid of these things, than snakes or rampaging lesbians.

BTW – for extra money, you can pat a Koala. Apparently it’s illegal to carry Koala (what a stupid fucking law) so you can pet it as they take your photo. I don’t know why people think this animal is cute – they’re dumb, they stink, they shit and eat all day. Basically a bogan derro from Western Sydney, and you guys don’t find that shit cute.